5 Key pillars of successful and lasting relationships and how to build them

More than once, clients or friends have asked me what it takes for a relationship to be healthy and turn into a long-term commitment. The truth is, the answer is not love, which surprises many of the people who ask me this question.

Yes, love is extremely important, but few people can define what it means. Love is a collective image of the feeling we have for our partner. For some, love is expressed by the passion or emotions we experience with a given person, and for others it is the trust and respect that builds over time.

It is because of the different understanding of what love is that we cannot define it as the most critical factor in creating a stable and long-lasting relationship. Instead, we need to look beyond the primal feelings and sensations that characterize the beginning of an intimate relationship.

In this article, we’ll look at 5 fundamental “pillars” that make up successful relationships. The reasoning focuses on intimate relationships, but these 5 criteria are also key to building every other relationship in our lives. You can take them as a foundation for creating lasting friendships or a strong bond between two partners.

Successful and lasting relationships don’t build themselves, they require an investment of time, effort, and commitment on both sides. This is a truth that many people overlook overshadowed by the initial feelings of falling in love with a new person. Sooner or later though, the primal feelings diminish and if you still haven’t invested the time to create the foundation of these 5 pillars the relationship may turn out to be much more unstable than you expected.

1. Trust and honesty

There is no stable relationship if there is no trust and honesty. One follows from the other. If the partners are honest with each other, then there should be trust between them.

It is key to creating security and comfort in the relationship. In order to succeed in building a solid trust that is not shaken by the slightest hesitation on the part of one partner, then you should always be open to

your feelings, thoughts, and needs.

Trust is built on the basis of open communication. When we share openly with our partner how we feel and what we think about a particular situation in the relationship we are able to create a strategy to resolve conflict in a healthier way.

Confidence in ourselves and in our partners is also a key element of trust. If you are jealous of your partner and constantly doubt their words, then you are probably not confident enough in yourself and the love you give them.

Trust builds emotional closeness between partners and makes them more attached to each other, which in turn leads to fewer occasions for breaking it.

2. Effective communication

The next pillar of a strong relationship is good communication between partners. It is the key to resolving conflicts, preventing misunderstandings, and creating understanding between you.

To achieve it you need to listen carefully to your partner and try to put yourself in his shoes to understand his point of view. Avoid criticizing and blaming, and instead strive to find compromises and solutions together.

In addition to active listening, effective communication needs clarity. Before you start discussing a particular problem in the relationship be clear about what you want to achieve with this conversation. To properly convey the message to your partner you need to clearly state what you need or what the problem is without attacking or criticizing.

Even if the other person has made a mistake and you are angry at their behaviour you should try to show empathy. It is key to having healthy communication in a relationship. Acknowledging and understanding the other person’s emotions will help you see the situation from their perspective.

3. Mutual support and respect

In successful relationships, partners support and respect each other. This means being a support to others in good and evil. Expressing emotional support, physical help, encouraging dreams and goals, or acknowledging a partner’s accomplishments are the basic things that go into support in a relationship.

Respect is expressed in accepting one’s partner’s boundaries, respecting his or her opinion, and refraining from judging his or her actions.

One of the most important aspects of a relationship that I want to touch on specifically when discussing respect and support is the expression of gratitude. Each of us likes to feel appreciated and respected, and the best way to express this to your partner is by thanking him for the things he does for you. Once you start appreciating even the small gestures that the person next to you does to make you feel good he will feel appreciated and loved, and this will stimulate him to keep being there for you, supporting and respecting you.

4. Shared interests and entertainment

It is very important for a couple to have common interests and pastimes. These activities build closeness and connectedness between partners and create shared memories. Even if you don’t initially have common interests or activities, you can find a hobby that appeals to both of you and start working towards that together.

This will provide quality time together in which you have fun and take a break from everyday tasks. Couples who share common interests are much more connected on an emotional level. The reason for this is that when we practice something that we enjoy we release happiness hormones, and if our partner is also involved we will begin to associate the satisfaction and positive emotions from the activity with our partner’s presence as well.

This reinforces the feeling of mutuality, sharing, and emotional connectedness. These things are imperative for building peaceful and long-lasting relationships.

 

5. Understanding and knowing your partner’s emotions

These are two key skills for building a stable relationship. Building this particular pillar takes the most time and requires the most effort. Very few couples succeed in fully understanding their partners’ emotions from the beginning. This is because many do not know each other that well when they start dating.

In order to create emotional well-being in a relationship each partner needs to know their emotions and know how to manage them. Developing emotional intelligence takes time for each person.

People who are emotionally mature and know how to recognize and manage their emotions are able to read their partner’s emotions as well. This creates a prerequisite for proper conflict resolution.

The process of understanding and knowing emotions in a relationship requires time and active communication. To achieve a positive outcome, each partner must feel free to express their emotions without worrying about the other’s reaction. Showing empathy and empathy is key to making a partner feel understood and safe when expressing their emotions.

In addition to words, emotions, and feelings can be expressed with non-verbal cues. This is specific to people who have not developed emotional intelligence and do not know or recognize their feelings. The tone of voice or certain facial expressions can show us how a partner is feeling without them wanting to express their emotions out loud.

Recognizing these behaviors comes with time as we begin to get to know the person next to us. He may not be aware of these behaviors himself, which is exactly why developing the emotional intelligence of each partner individually is crucial.

As a conclusion and the most important thing from the article, we can say that to achieve a successful and long-lasting relationship, it is important to work together with your partner.

These were the main pillars of a healthy relationship. Their development and maintenance ensure a stable and long-lasting relationship. Creating a successful relationship depends on the partner’s willingness to invest time and effort into it.

If you are still looking for love and want to become a person who is capable of building a stable relationship, sign up for the Invite Love Into Your Life program.

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