Toxic habits in the relationship that are accepted as normal

Very often, partners accept their behaviour as normal, even if it is not. Despite the ever-increasing discussion about what toxic relationships are and how not to behave in a relationship, it is difficult to determine when a behavior is not healthy for our relationship.

Everyone has toxic habits that they have lived with for as long as they can remember. Getting into a relationship with another person involves a clash of your and their toxic habits, which can be overcome with enough effort on both sides. In most cases, we don’t realize that some of our habits may be toxic until we start applying it to someone else. Even then, it is difficult to determine that we are behaving inappropriately with our partner. If our partner is not brave enough to voice their displeasure, there is a danger that toxic habits will be accepted as normal behaviour in the relationship.

In many cases like this, the relationship seems fine, but tensions begin to arise between the two partners. Negative thoughts and feelings begin to arise in the partner who suffers from the other’s toxic behaviour. Often the sufferer defines the other partner as selfish or disrespectful of his or her feelings.

This behavior most often becomes repetitive. Even if things improve for a period of time and the tension begins to disappear, it may arise again when the partner’s toxic behavior returns.

Many people consider infidelity to be one of the worst behaviors in a relationship, but it is not the most common cause of breakups. If you think you are the perfect partner because you don’t cheat you are deeply mistaken. I’ll point out a few toxic behaviors that many partners turn a blind eye to, but the accumulation of them will surely end the relationship.

You take the other for granted

Once the honeymoon period in a relationship passes partners appreciate each other’s presence less and less. This is normal because we more or less get used to and adjust to our partner and our desire to impress them diminishes. During this stage of the relationship, we can say that one partner begins to take the other for granted and appreciates less and less what he/she does for him/her.

In turn, the partner who is taken for granted no longer feels fulfilled and valued in the relationship, causing him/her to withdraw. This toxic situation is the cause of many breakups. 

How to proceed? 

The line between the unintentionally romantic first months of a relationship and being taken for granted is very thin, and very often we don’t realize when we’re crossing it. If you do start to realize that you are taking your partner for granted there is a way to take a step back and not let this behavior define your relationship. For starters, remember the period when you were making romantic surprises to your partner for no reason. You could also organize a small outing or dinner where you remind yourself that your partner is a unique person who doesn’t deserve to be taken for granted. Whatever you do the most important thing is to be positive and work on this behavior consciously.

Waiting too long before sharing that something about the relationship you don’t like

Avoiding an argument is not always the right thing to do. You may think that if you turn a blind eye to something that irritates you about your partner’s attitude, you are doing a disservice to the sake of harmony in the relationship. It isn’t. Tension builds up inside you when you understate things. Besides, even if your partner means well and wants to behave well, he doesn’t know what irritates you and there is no way he can stop doing it. 

How do you start sharing what irritates you?

Follow this pattern: if something annoys you and you don’t want to share it, wait a few hours, even a day. If you still feel annoyed share it with your partner. Of course, this rule applies more to domestic issues. If your partner is being disrespectful to you, never turn a blind eye and communicate at the moment. 

A constant reminder of past mistakes

Every relationship has ups and downs. Everyone makes mistakes. The point is to be able to forgive and move on. If you are constantly reminding your partner of past mistakes, it means you have not forgiven them. It is foolish to use your partner’s past behaviors as an argument in any argument. It brings tension and shows your partner that you lied to them when you told them you forgave them.

How do you forgive past mistakes?

Forgiveness is a really difficult thing that takes time. If your partner has done wrong, you probably need to think about it to decide if you can forgive them. Give yourself that time and don’t jump to conclusions about whether or not you will forgive the mistake. If there is still something bothering you you should speak up about it, not pretend everything is fine and wait for another argument to erupt to bitch about your partner’s mistakes.

Manifestations of passive aggression

This behaviour is more common in women than in men. Instead of talking directly to your partner about what is irritating you, you use hints to supposedly point your partner in the right direction. Not only is this extremely toxic, but it also makes both of you nervous. On the one hand, you get angry because your partner continues to annoy you with their actions. On the other, he himself doesn’t understand what to change or how to comment on the problem because your hints confuse him. 

What to do in this situation?

Always communicate directly without passive-aggressive hints. Few people can read between the lines. Even if they do, it is not guaranteed that the message you are conveying through the hint will be understood the way you want. People value the direct approach of communication much more. Men almost never understand from innuendo, for that if you want to show that a certain behavior in your partner irritates you just say it.

Threats that you will break up with the partner if he does not behave the way you want

One of the most prevalent manipulations in relationships is the threat of breakup. It is used by both women and men. In cases of separation threat, you do not aim to end your relationship, but simply to achieve what you want after instilling a little fear in your partner. Many people succumb to this toxic attitude and start living in fear that their partner will dump them if they don’t behave the way she or he wants. 

How do you avoid this toxic attitude?

For starters, never manipulate your partner in this way. No one deserves to feel threatened in their relationship and do things they don’t want to do unwillingly, only to have the relationship end. If you’re on the manipulated side, the sooner you realize it, the better. Talk to your partner and if he denies having such a situation, think carefully about whether you deserve such a person in your life. 

Lack of trust and jealousy

Many people believe that if their partner is jealous of them it is proof of his love. I may disappoint you when I tell you that lack of trust and displays of obsessive jealousy are the most toxic behaviors that many people accept as normal. If your partner wants to know your every move and wants to have access to your phone or your chats, then he or she most certainly does not trust you. Everyone has a right to privacy and to be able to communicate freely with others. Jealousy is the most common form of manipulation that many people succumb to. Partners who exhibit obsessive jealousy very often have issues with comps and don’t believe they are good enough to deserve the other’s love. These people are constantly looking for evidence that their partner is cheating on them.

How do you deal with such behavior?

If you are the eternally jealous partner work on your self-esteem issues and complexes and don’t let them kill your relationship with your partner. A little jealousy is normal, but trying to control your boyfriend or girlfriend’s every move is toxic. Once that person has chosen to be with you it means you are good enough to deserve it. Believe in yourself and your partner.

Directionally criticize your partner

Criticism can be one of the biggest enemies or virtues in a relationship. The question is, do you take the criticism out on your partner in a constructive way, or do you rather want to hurt them when you criticize them. The constant criticism and negativity you direct at your partner is detrimental to your relationship. Most often when you constantly criticize your partner, it is possible that he will become angry with you and stop listening to you, or that it will affect his self-esteem and he will not take actions that affect your relationship because he will be afraid of being criticized.

What to do instead? 

Instead of constantly criticizing your partner try to focus on the things he or she does well. Give more praise to him or her, and communicate the criticism gently and in a more constructive way. Don’t be resentful of your partner’s actions, but try to teach him/her the right way to do something.

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