Why are we interested in men who have red flags

Have you ever sat down and mentally analyzed all your previous intimate relationships? This is a usual practice that many women apply to figure out what brought their old relationships to an end.
We tend very often to blame our partners for the behavior they had when we were together. The truth is, you could have predicted the onset of such toxic behaviors early on in your relationship if you didn’t turn a blind eye to all the red flags that the man you were dating was exhibiting.
When I talk to participants in the Invite Love Into Your Life program, I notice the following trend in women. They consistently show interest in men who hint at the presence of red flags. Some of them don’t realize it, but others do it quite consciously. Of course, there is a rational explanation behind both behaviors, which I will try to give you by the end of the article.
Ladies who don’t see the man they are dating waving a huge red flag are most often so obsessed with the idea of having a relationship that they are willing to close their eyes to any sign of toxicity in the man’s behavior. Most often they have low self-esteem and think they don’t deserve better in their relationship.
On the other hand, women who realize that their partner has certain toxic flaws but do not take action most often expect the man to change in the future because of them. Unfortunately, very few people who have already established themselves as individuals have their value system, habits, ways of behaving, and good and bad character traits managed to change. They don’t even want to do it because they don’t think there is a need given that they are used to living with these specifics of theirs.
There are a certain kinds of ladies who are strongly attracted to bad boys. They like men with strongly displayed bad behavior that may even be dangerous to them. For these women, every red flag a man waves is not a valid reason to end their relationship. Unfortunately, these are the women who most often become victims of domestic violence. Many of them share that the thrill and love they have for this man does not allow them to end their relationship with him no matter how toxic it may be.
Next, we take a look at some but the most common reasons why ladies fall for men who have red flags.

What are the main reasons why women fall for men who engage in toxic behaviour

There is no universal answer to this question, as the reasons why women may fall in love with men who have toxic behaviors are complex and multifaceted. However, here are some possible factors:


Playing the role of savior
Some ladies are attracted to men with toxic behaviors because they think they are the ones who will help them change. They believe they can play the role of savior and help the man realize his shortcomings and change them. They don’t even do it for the sake of their relationship, but just because the role of savior makes them feel significant.


This behavior is extremely toxic to the women who exhibit it. They become obsessed with the idea that they can make a bad man good and help him live happier once he changes. This doesn’t work in most cases and the woman looks to blame herself. She thinks she didn’t take enough care to “save” the man.


Low self-esteem
Not surprisingly, having low self-esteem is one of the main reasons women are attracted to men exhibiting toxic behavior. These ladies feel that they do not deserve a partner who will treat them well. They assume that they are not beautiful, attractive and kind enough to have a healthy relationship with an emotionally healthy partner.
These ladies are willing to tolerate their partner’s toxic behavior just so they won’t be left alone. Thus, their relationship further influences in the direction of losing their self-esteem.


Childhood experiences
Childhood is a period in our lives that has a great impact on our relationships with people. Women who grew up in families where their parents had a toxic relationship accept this as normal. These ladies tend to allow such relationships in their relationships as well. Also, women who were neglected as children are much more attracted to partners who behave the same way.


The family pattern we had in childhood is very important to the kind of relationships we will build in the future. For this, it is important to show our children what a healthy relationship is.


Unhealthy relationship patterns
If, based on the previous factors, a woman is used to being in relationships that are unhealthy for her, she is much more likely to repeat these learned patterns, even though she realizes that they always end the same way.


This again has to do with the partner’s unawareness of red flags. If a woman is used to turning a blind eye to them in one or two of her relationships, it is very likely that she will never open her eyes and recognize these behaviors as toxic.

Need to change their partner
Many women naively hope that their love will motivate their partner to consider their behavior and change it for the better. Here the need to change the partner is provoked by the woman trying to mould the man to her liking. These women very often become very frustrated that their efforts are not successful.

Lack of Awareness
Some women may not be aware of what is healthy or unhealthy behavior in a relationship and may not recognize red flags when they see them. This may also be due to poor family patterns or broken boundaries in previous relationships.


It is important to note that these factors are not unique to women and can apply to anyone, regardless of gender. Additionally, it is extremely important to remember that falling in love with a person who is behaving toxically does not make the person weak or flawed.

What are the most common red flags in men

Having mentioned so many times that some women don’t notice the red flags that a man exhibits completely unconsciously it’s time to take a brief look at some of them.
Disrespectful or dismissive behavior: This includes things like speaking for you, belittling your opinion, rude behavior, using offensive words, and disregarding your thoughts or feelings.


Controlling behaviour
This includes a man’s constant desire to know where you are and who you are with, strong jealousy and distrust of you are also signs of controlling behavior. It can take different forms, such as telling you what to wear, who to spend time with, or how to behave in social situations.


Lack of Responsibility
If a man is always blaming others for his problems or refusing to take responsibility for his actions, this can be a sign of an unhealthy dynamic.


Anger issues
This is one of the most telltale behaviors that indicate you are dealing with an inappropriate man for you. If he frequently loses his temper, yells or is aggressive, this is a huge red flag.


Dishonesty
This can range from small lies to larger deceptions, such as hiding important information or manipulation for financial gain.

Poor communication skills
If a man is unable or unwilling to communicate his thoughts and feelings in a healthy way, this can lead to serious misunderstandings in your relationship. Poor communication is a very common cause of conflict in a relationship.


Lack of empathy
If a man is consistently insensitive or dismissive of your feelings, it may be a sign that he is unable to empathize with others. Men who have a hard time showing empathy tend to develop more serious toxic behaviors as well.


Addictive behavior
This can include drug abuse, gambling addiction, or other problem behaviors that can negatively impact the relationship.


Before ending this article, I want to note that if a person exhibits red flags in their behavior, it does not mean that they are doomed to have an unhealthy relationship. However, it is crucial to be aware of the warning signs and take action to address them before they become bigger problems. In addition, seeking support from friends, family or a therapist can help a person identify and overcome unhealthy patterns in their relationship.


Sign up for the Invite Love Into Your Life program where you can learn more about how to have healthy and mindful relationships.

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